London Calling

Time to break out my 'Ello Govnah playlist, which I've been constructing for upwards of 13 months now and narrowed to 54 songs, because I'm about to leave for the airport to Londrés, which translates very nicely to London.

What's on the agenda for London? Well, I have a whole Google Doc schedule in which I am basically the sole contributor (though not by choice) in the works if you'd like to be added to it, but primarily, I intend to spend most of my time at Platform 9 3/4 and offering to baby-sit Charlotte and George, so Will and Kate can just relax for a little bit.

It's important to me that you know I do not frequent AThriftyMom.com, the source of this great graphic, but I did closely follow the Prince George Wearing Crocs story because it's important to be informed.

It is difficult being that glamorous, though in the words of Lorde, "we'll never be royals" so I can't confirm or deny this from personal experience.

I did, however, have the opportunity to up my social status a little when ordering my bus ticket from the airport, all of which seem to be inconveniently and absurdly far from everything on my Google Doc. The bus website asked me to select my title from a drop-down menu and I could've settled for reality and opted for "Miss" or "Ms.", but like Scott Disick, I wanted something more for myself. I hope there aren't any legal consequences or documents I will need to show to my bus driver to verify this title but as of now please refer to me as Lady Grace in all formal correspondence. 

In just a few short hours I will be reunited with my good pal, Budde, who claims he reads my blogs so this will be the true test, and together we will see all his favorite sites in London, where he is currently "studying" abroad. He's going to hate that I put quotes around that because he actually has a massive final project and a pretty substantial workload but he himself dubbed his album The Fleek Tour and I feel it is my duty to mock him a little.

First on the agenda is a a hip-hop karaoke bar where he told me we will "listen to the regulars". Rest assured, at first opportunity, we will be harmonizing and bringing tears to the eyes of all present, if things go my way, which they probably won't. I am cautiously optimistic that I will actually be able to find him and then my hostel and then navigate the Tube, but if not, I know they speak English in London and it just so happens that I do as, well.  Plus, I always keep a list of British words in my phone to use at whim so I think I'll assimilate quite nicely. 

My original plan, which I ran by Budde last night, was to pretend I only speak Spanish in my hostel so I can practice. Budde says that's annoying, but I think it's commitment. 

Bloody hell! I'm going to be late. Bullocks! (See how naturally this comes to me?) 

I haven't got a scooby  (a real expression, learned from a Brit last August and immediately wrote it down) how to use a bidet (and I just had to google how to spell that) but I'm willing to try! 

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UPDATE: Now on said bus as Lady Grace and I was able to get on an earlier one because, and I quote, "Oh, you're a lady, are you?" Please reread that in a British accent for full effect.

Things are really looking up, folks, considering I just got off the flight from hell. It was so turbulent that I refuse to fly again unless I'm wearing a sports bra. And one of the flight attendants kept insisting I check my bag and tried to persuade me by saying "Es gratis. Es gratis." as if I was the type of gal to just say yes to any free offer (I am). 

I had to explain that I can't check it because I gotta catch a bus right after and I have my plane snacks in here and then I handed her the boarding pass for the flight home from London and she was getting really antsy and short with me and when we both switched to English I realized why we just weren't clicking- she was French. I'm not saying that French people are kind of rude because I would never say that- because it's common knowledge. No, but really, all jokes aside, the vast majority of French people that I've bumped into do not love me and aren't afraid to express it. Maybe I should watch where I'm going. Actually being serious this time though, I think the real reason is they kind of sense that a French accent was my go-to prank calling voice in my golden age of prank calls (2012-2013 cuz late bloomer). 

Here's what I've noticed about London so far- I am attracted to everyone solely because of their accents and also I think there's something really attractive about being able to understand every word they're saying. I have a horrible habit of imitating unintentionally other people's accents and I did that already but while trying to speak Spanish and it was really something to behold. And thirdly, everything here is bloody expensive. I just exchanged $150 for pocket change, I kid you not. It's very possible I got scammed, but I don't need to buy food here- the Harry Potter ambience and Queen's English will sustain me.