I'm The Ship

"A ship is always safe at shore, but that is not what it's built for." - Einstein

Given that my comfort zone extends only the dimensions of my bedroom in Lisle, Illinois, it may come as a surprise to some of you that I am writing this from the SIT study center in Colonia Maximo Jerez in Managua, Nicaragua. I'm just as shocked as you are, in fact, I often wake up not quite sure where I am and then I remember and I sort of chuckle at past Grace's expense for thinking she could handle an experience like this one with ease. 

Then, I deftly maneuver out of my mosquito net to the bathroom, where in our neighborhood the water only runs from about 2 am to 8 am. If it is not within these precious hours, I use the water from my bucket to flush and wash my hands, admire my sweaty reflection, and reposition the net around me- the princess canopy I always wanted as a youth.  The homes here are very open to circulate the air flow and such so on any given day there are a few ants in my room and we just choose to ignore each another, and a spider or two, with whom I admire greatly for eating the mosquitos and really doing me a solid/saving me from chikungunya, dengue, malaria, or just an unattractive mosquito bite blemish. One day there was a lizard of sorts but I didn't know how to ask my family how to handle that and was really too tired to bother much with it, though I did consider the iconic Parent Trap scene as I fell asleep that night. Exhaustion can really make a gal apathetic. 

the lizard looked eerily similar, maybe worked as a stunt double

took over Vince's room to pack, which was also outside my comfort zone/against every rule I've ever known

Buenas Noches Luna and La Bella y La Bestia have been huge hits with the fam, so I'm very pleased.

Was/am worried about missing the USC social scene but luckily I'm there in spirit and also in the form of my timeless 5th grade yearbook photo

If you've seen the Wild movie, that struggle of Reese putting on her backpack is what I look like every time. You would've felt very sorry for me watching me maneuver Customs when I landed and I would have graciously accepted your pity.

First breakfast together at Casa San Juan for Orientation. "I'll take a picture in case we grow attached!"- me

Toma Mi Teta was one of the most interesting tales and also sculptures in the Museum of Legends in León. My understanding of it, which is probably wrong, given I thought I was about to pass out due to the heat and Nicaraguan Spanish has it's own unique characteristics I'm adjusting to, is that she was never truly loved and men only wanted her for her huge boobs so when they harassed her  and objectified her and such, she killed the creeps by smothering them with her breasts. Kind of a woman warrior-  let this be a lesson to us all!

Here's a quick recap of the past 12 days from my journal:

Day 1/Wednesday- on the plane : I filled out a customs form with a purple marker and I can't cry because the ink will bleed.

Day 2/Thursday (Orientation)- The people are cool. I feel comfortable discussing shit with them, literally. 
I'm *cautiously* optimistic and not opening my mouth in the shower, like Charlotte in Mexico. 

Day 3/Friday (Orientation) - I like seeing what I'm made of, which it turns out is more sweat than I thought humanly possible. The man who gave us the tour of the Leyendas museum wiped a droplet off my lip and it might've been cute if it wasn't super creepy.

Day 4/Saturday (Orientation)- Guillermo read our auras at the dinner party at Aynn's house (for homestay placement purposes) and I felt like he was also reading my thoughts, which worried me. Of all the things I can control, I can't even control my own mind.

Day 5/Sunday (Homestay Move-in) - I have my own bathroom! But I don't have any idea how to get the damn toilet to flush.

Day 6/Monday (First day of School) - We are a long line of gringo ducklings toting water bottles and wearing less clothes than everyone because we can't hang. Every kid at the UCA (University of Central America) is in jeans, some in boots, none sweaty, and all beautiful.

I used plastic bags stretched out, hair ties, and an Iverson rope to assemble my mosquito net so maybe I am relatively resilient like the playlist I made for when I feel less so suggests.

Day 7/Tuesday- My family invited me to Granada this weekend, where there are freshwater sharks which is BS because sharks are for oceans, and I get to ride in the back part of the truck and maybe even bring a friend!

Day 8/Wednesday- Found my way to the parque solo aka I'm an independent woman who can run wherever I want even if men shout at me along the way. Fuck piropos. (catcalls)

Day 9/Thursday- We played soccer in the park (Gringos vs Maximo Jerez kids) and we lost but probably saw that coming. I scored two goals and showboated a lot, a real Cinderella story but way less humble.

Day 10/Friday- Went to Chaman, a discoteca, looking exceptionally mom-like because I was literally wearing my mom's dress and sensible shoes. Some dress to impress, I dress for child-rearing. Also noteworthy, wore bugspray (DEET is my signature scent) and had a flashlight in my pocket all the while. I'm awesome.

Day 11/Saturday- The family road trip to Granada in the tina (back part) of the truck was thrilling, as was our boat trip around the islands, all owned by rich people except for one owned by 5 wild monkeys who eat copious amounts of mangos and enforce their private property rights if you try to cross them. 

Jose Angel is still warming up to me.

Our soup brings all the boys and gals to the yard

Day 12/Sunday- The Mormons who live next door to the study center invited me to church after I explained that I've never met a Mormon I didn't love, but I respectfully declined because on Sundays vendemos comida.  Our house/restaurant was poppin', the soup is very highly regarded (but meat-based so can't confirm or deny its quality) and we also have music to set the mood. Blank Space played at one point and it was really a lot to take in.

You can't flush the toilet paper here, there's a garbage can you put it in instead. Ask me how many times I've forgotten this and I will pretend I didn't hear you.

My hermanita, a wonderful 6 year old, made me this work of art. Stay tuned for pictures of the artist herself and my other siblings once I ask our mom if that's okay to post on this ~highly popular~ blog.

Having been here 12 days now, (I'm basically a local), I can truly say the hardest part was the preparation and anticipation. I spent copious amounts of time packing and unpacking (estimating a 3 month supply of bugspray and sunscreen is taxing) and basically felt like I was on the horrible part of a roller coaster where you're slowly chugging along towards the tipping point and wondering if you can get out unscathed or stop the ride with your dignity in tact while simultaneously I felt like I was also slowly and painfully removing a bandaid stuck deeply in my arm hair. 

I had these pleasant feelings for the full two weeks prior to my departure and talked them out thoroughly with my therapist, who suggested at first maybe postponing, which of course made me want to go and do the damn thing that much more. I sought treatment for my anxiety, which apparently I've had for some time (I just thought everyone thinks and feels like this- s/o to the lucky bastards that don't), just 15 days before I hopped on a plane. This was insufficient time to get any medication doses correct, so your girl's going in rogue!

I find the whole thing a little hilarious, because almost anything is funny if you think about it. (Plus if it's okay to make fun of myself for my asthma but not for my anxiety, what sort of precedent are we setting here?) For the next three and a half months, I'm just focusing on living in the moment, learning everything I can, and befriending everybody and their brother if they'll let me. After all, with a mind like mine, who needs enemies?

On Thursday we leave for the Campo, where it's about to get real and also rural. I won't have wifi or things of that sort until after but you best believe my character is going to get built. Until then, my goal this week is to find a new park to run in here in Managua, because the beautiful Parque Japones is closed for 4-5 months according to security guards, despite my fervent suggestions that this is not a good idea and it's perfect the way it is.

To close this wordy post, I would like to quote my dear friend Alexi, who is abroad himself at the moment, and his parting words to me in regards to this journey:

"You're going to have a lot of diarrhea but you're going to learn a lot."

This is our bird eating some Papaya. Her name is Lola, she was a show girl, with green feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there.

Airing out my dirty laundry is a foolish expression because this is clean.